Find Strength In What Remains Behind
Posted on July 22nd, 2010
After a significant loss, we will find we have a new strength in what remains behind
As the poet, William Wordsworth wrote in his Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood:
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.
Nothing can bring back the past, the glory in the flower, but we can – we will – find strength in what remains behind so that we can continue on OUR journey.
When a significant loved one has gone, we can sometimes feel (or, even wish) that we will die. Not just from the loss, the gap, the emptiness, the missing of such a love — but also from the physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain.
But, instead – incredibly – we grow stronger. We grow stronger both in spite of the pain and because of the pain.
It’s like having to forge your way through deep snow banks: it can be exhausting, but the enormous effort required will strengthen your muscles. In addition, you will be creating new pathways which will make the next trip to that destination easier, smoother, faster.
Forging your way [gently] through loss and grief creates and strengthens new pathways - in the brain.
The enormous effort required to force ourselves to think rationally through chaos, to stay compassionate towards others who are also grieving, to stay alive and healthy — all that causes new neural pathways to be forged in our brain. Because of all the stress chemicals from the pain surrounding such a loss, the pathways are strengthened. It is a very real change in the hard-wiring of our brain. [Neuroscientists call it plasticity.]
And we become so much stronger, in many ways, than we ever had been.
Please know – no matter how enormous your loss may be – you also will find an amazing strength will remain behind.