A small change that can make a big difference
Posted on December 10th, 2010
Rather than mentally using the words, our loved one “has died” – or we’ve lost them completely and forever – try this:
Their “journey has changed.”
After all, it HAS changed.
Their time here on earth is done… their time in that wonderful body is over. Now their spirit and humor and intellect is on a different plane than we are – in another place… whatever you believe that plane/place to be or not to be.
Like footprints on a sandy beach: their footprints have stopped.
I am not pushing any personal agenda or belief… it doesn’t matter whether one believes or doesn’t believe in an afterlife or next life or reincarnated life or any life after this. No matter what the belief or non-belief, it’s still safe to say that our loved one’s journey has changed. They were here, with us. Now they aren’t.
We still can use “loss” or “death” when talking with others so they don’t think we’re losing our minds or are deep in denial. But, when thinking or talking with ourselves, changing our mental words to “their journey has changed” has a big impact:
• It lets our brain relax. The primitive part of the brain, the amygdala, is on constant alert for anything that impacts our survival and it is threatened by loss of any kind. It’s especially threatened by loss of a loved one because having others who loved us, supported us, cared for and about us was critical for survival.
• The amygdala reacts every time the loss is even unconsciously noticed… and that is about a million times a day. Every thought, every sight, every sound, every smell, every touch is now different and the amygdala will pick up on it and swing into action – by sending signals for stress chemicals to be sent through the body. The primitive amygdala cannot tell the difference between a saber-tooth tiger about to pounce on us or a thought that our loved one is gone forever.
Calming the amygdala means fewer stress chemicals surging throughout our body.
So, go ahead and use the terms “died” and “loss” with others but, in your heart and mind, use the words “journey has changed” – and carry forward forever the memories of all the wonderful bits, the jokes, the special moments, the thoughtful deeds, the wisdom of our loved one.