Yearning for our loved one(s)

Posted on March 15th, 2011

When we’ve lost a loved one, we often find ourselves yearning for them when they're gone.

Since everyone is different – and everyone grieves differently and in varying degrees – the “yearning” could range from a wistful, pensive desire to have them back to a deep, hopeless longing.

It’s not like we’re purposely trying to feel sad.  The feeling of longing normally happens without our doing anything deliberate.  It just happens. 

Our stomachs clench and we feel nauseous… muscles tighten and ache… we start to feel anxious and alone… our hearts race and hurt … even our eyes seem to feel pain from not seeing them…

And it isn’t just one quickly passing flash of, “gee, I miss them,” and then the yearning is automatically replaced with more pleasant thoughts occupying our mind.  The thoughts can automatically continue – even escalate – into how much we miss them and how many ways we miss them.  Then those awful thoughts like “I should have done more for them…” and  “I shouldn’t have been mean that time…” and “what will happen to my life now…”  can start bombarding us.

The good news:  with time and awareness, we will be able to choose to sidestep the thoughts as soon as the sensations of yearning enter our consciousness.  

Why does that yearning happen?  How can we help ourselves sidestep the thoughts?  (See the next posts for the answers.)

 

 

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